Dr. Heidi Grant

How to Soften the Blow of Bad News for Your Employees

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One of the toughest parts of being a leader is having to tell your people what they don’t want to hear.

No, you won’t be getting a promotion at this time.

There aren’t going to be any bonuses this year.

Your request for a new hire has been denied.

I know you already feel overworked, but here are 3 new projects you’ll need to complete this quarter.

 

There’s no way to disguise the fact that bad news is bad news, so you can never hope to entirely remove its sting.  But you can learn to deliver bad news is a way that softens the blow, by increasing the chances that it will be perceived as fair. To do that, you’ll need to tailor your message to the motivational style of your employee.

Some people tend to see their goals as opportunities for gain or advancement.  In other words, they are focused on all the great things that will happen for them when they succeed – the benefits and rewards.  Psychologists call this a promotion focus, and research shows that promotion-minded people are more motivated by optimism and praise, and more likely to embrace risk and excel at creativity and innovation.

Others tend to see their goals as opportunities to avoid loss, to fulfill their responsibilities, and to stay safe.   They don’t want to lose what they have worked so hard to achieve, and worry about all the bad things that will happen if they make a mistake.  Psychologists call this a prevention focus, and the prevention-minded are more motivated by criticism and the looming possibility of failure than they are by applause and a sunny outlook.   Prevention-focused people are more risk-averse, but their work is also more thorough, more accurate, and more carefully-planned.

The key to enhancing the perceived fairness of bad news is to match the framing of your delivery to the motivational style of the listener.  For instance, imagine you are informing your team of an upcoming company-wide reorganization – news that is generally met with groans and dismay.   You could justify the reorganization using positive framing (e.g., the reorganization will “make the company more profitable,”) which highlights potential gains, or you could use a negative framing (e.g., the reorganization will “prevent further financial losses,”) which emphasizes avoiding unwanted outcomes.

New research shows that promotion-minded employees judge bad news to be significantly more fair when it is delivered using positive framing, while prevention-minded employees are more amenable to negative framing.

For example, in one study, promotion-minded university students judged a proposed tuition increase to be significantly more clear, candid, truthful, and reasonable when it was justified as allowing the university to “provide better education, strengthen courses, and retain faculty.”

Prevention-minded students, on the other hand, preferred the tuition hike to be described as a way of  “avoiding deterioration of quality, cuts to courses, and loss of faculty.”

In another study, participants read an article about (real) layoffs at Daimler Chrysler.  Promotion-minded readers rated the layoffs as significantly more fair and reasonable when they were described as an opportunity to “promote market share,”  while prevention-minded readers were more favorably impressed when the layoffs were justified as  “preventing loss of market share.”

So next time you find yourself having to take a project out of the hands of one team member who’s clearly floundering, and transferring it to another, you’ll know whether to describe it as an “opportunity to devote your energy to other assignments” or as a way to “avoid being dangerously overloaded with work.”

Whenever you deliver bad news to an employee, always start by diagnosing his motivational style – is he a risk –taker, or risk-averse?   Are his strengths speed and creativity, or accuracy and thoroughness?   Know who you are talking to, and you’ll know what you need to say to put bad news in the best possible light.

 

Longer May Not Be Better, But It Feels that Way

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Thinking about trying to shake things up at work?  Brimming with new ideas and strategies?  Hoping to get your organization to try a new way of doing things, or maybe just get your family to alter their holiday traditions a bit?   Good for you.  But if you are going to be an advocate for change, it might help you to start by understanding what you are up against, psychologically speaking.

It’s not just that people fear change, though they undoubtedly do.  It’s also that they genuinely believe (often on an unconscious level) that when you’ve been doing something a particular way for some time, it must be a good way to do things.  And the longer you’ve been doing it that way, the better it is.

So change isn’t simply about embracing something unknown – it’s about giving up something old (and therefore good) for something new (and therefore not good).

Recent research shows that people have a very reliable and tangible preference for things that have been around longer. In one study, students preferred the course requirement described as the status quo over a new version (regardless of whether the new version meant more or less coursework), and liked it even more when it had been around for 100 years rather than only 10 years.   In another, people who were told that acupuncture had been in existence for 2000 years expressed more favorable attitudes toward it than those who were told it existed for 250 years.

The bottom line is, unconsciously we all believe that longevity = goodness.  There are, admittedly, plenty of instances where this is perfectly rational.  When a particular product or way of doing things has stood the test of time, it is probably a superior to alternatives in at least some respects.

The problem is that longevity and tradition aren’t always accurate predictors of goodness – inertia, habit, marketing prowess, market monopoly, and fear of change can all be the real reasons why we haven’t tried something new.  Also, there are areas of life that really should be unaffected by this sort of bias – in domains like art or cuisine, how long something has been around should have little to do with how aesthetically pleasing or delicious you find it.

And yet, it does.   In one study, people who saw a painting described as having been painted in 1905 found it far more pleasing to look at than people who saw the same painting described as created in 2005.  In another, they admired the appearance of a tree described as being 4500 years old more than did those who thought the same tree just 500 years old.

In my favorite example, study participants were given a piece of European chocolate.  It was described to them as having first been sold in its region either 73 years ago or 3 years ago.  Guess which group rated the chocolate as better-tasting.

It’s not impossible to overcome an unconscious bias, but if you want to succeed you need to start be realizing that it’s there.  Change and innovation requires that we not only convince others that new can be good, but that we address their (often unconscious) assumption that what’s been around longer looks, works, and tastes better.

3 Keys to Finding Love and Hanging On to It

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If you want to be happy in your relationship, what are the most important ingredients?  Everybody has a theory about what it takes to live happily ever after, and no two people seem to agree.  So let’s look instead at what science tells us will lead to relationship bliss, and how best to tackle three of the major challenges we face when trying to find, and keep, that Special Someone.

#1. What to Look For In a Mate: Someone Agreeable, Conscientious, and Emotionally Stable

According to the researchers, people with spouses who are agreeable, conscientious, and emotionally stable report being significantly happier in their marriages.  So if your romantic partner is a sourpuss, selfish and irresponsible, and has a tendency to fly off the handle, your chances of finding marital bliss together are not good.

Look for someone generally pleasant, responsible, and even-tempered, and in fairness to them, be willing to return the favor.

#2. How to Know If He (or She) Loves You Back:  It’s The Little Things

“If you really loved me, you would….”

Everyone who’s ever been in a relationship has had thoughts like this one.  If he loved me he would bring me flowers, or compliment me more often, or remember my birthday, or remember to take out the damn garbage.  When it comes to love, actions speak louder than words, right?

Well, not necessarily.  According to new research, romantic feelings like love, intimacy, and commitment reliably lead to some loving behaviors – the smaller, spontaneous acts of kindness that occur without much forethought, like offering a backrub, making a nice dinner, or letting you have the last brownie in the pan.  These “little things” are a much better indicator of the depth of his love than whether or not he remembers your birthday or to take out the trash.

#3  How to Fight Well:  Treat Little Problems and Big Problems Differently

The best way to deal with conflict in a relationship depends on how serious or severe the problem is.  Did your boyfriend drink too much at the party last night, or is he drinking too much every night?  Did your wife splurge a little too much on clothes last month, or are her spending habits edging you closer and closer to bankruptcy?  Did he invite his mother to dinner without discussing it with you first, or did he invite his mother to live with you without discussing it first?  Little problems and big problems require very different approaches if you want to have a lasting, happy relationship.

When it comes to relatively minor problems, direct fighting strategies – like placing blame on your partner for their actions or expressing your anger – predict a loss of relationship satisfaction over time.   Flying off the handle when he forgets to take out the garbage yet again, or when she spends a little too much money on a pricey pair of shoes, is going to take its toll on your happiness in the long run.  You really are better off letting the small stuff go.

On the other hand, in response to major problems, couples who battle it out do a better job of tackling, and eventually resolving those issues, than those who sweep big problems under the carpet.

So when you are deciding whether or not something is worth fighting over with your partner, ask yourself if, in the scheme of things, the problem is a 10 or a 2.  If it’s a 2, try letting it go.  But if it’s a 10, let the battle begin.  You’ll both be happier that way.

A Simple Fix for Miscommunication Part 2: Putting It Into Practice

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(From my Fast Company Blog)

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post on miscommunication in the workplace, and how so much of it is caused by the fact that people routinely fail to realize how little they are actually communicating. We think we’ve said a lot more than we actually have.  As a result, our colleagues are left guessing as to what we meant, or what we want from them.  All too often, they guess wrong.

Judging by the popularity of the post, Fast Company readers can relate.  You know how frustrating it is to be on the receiving end of communication that is confusing or vague.  But most of us have no idea that we are guilty of the same crime.  It’s easy to see why – after all, we know what we mean.  Unless we are confronted directly about how poorly we are communicating (something people are generally loathe to do, for a number of reasons), how are we to know if we’ve said enough?

I received a number of emails asking how to put the insight gained from the last post into practice on a daily basis.  Here are three strategies you can use to make sure that you are saying everything that needs to be said.

1)    Take a few moments before communicating to identify the key points you need to get across. Write them down if you think you might forget something when you are actually conversing (this is very common).  If you think any of your key points “go without saying,” you are probably wrong.

2)    Create a process for assessing understanding.  Everyone on your team needs to participate – don’t single anyone out.  When you communicate something to a team member, end the encounter by asking them to summarize in their own words what they heard.

For this to work well without anyone feeling patronized, you need to make it clear that this is not a test – your concern is that you didn’t communicate effectively, not that they weren’t paying attention.  Also, it has to work both ways.  When your team member brings something to your attention, you should summarize what you heard as well.

Without direct feedback, there is no way to figure out if the message was fully received.  But people are reluctant to provide this feedback if there is no explicit process in place.  They worry about looking foolish, or irritating the communicator (particularly when the communicator is the boss.)

3)    Invite questions should they arise.  Sometimes, you don’t realize that you didn’t understand what a colleague asked you to do until you actually try to do it.  At this point, it can be embarrassing to go back and admit “I don’t get it.”  Take the embarrassment out of it by reminding your team members that you are always happy to answer any questions that may come up later.  When you are asked for clarification, provide it with enthusiasm.

I know that all of this seems like a lot of work, and it is.  But the extra time and effort you put in to improving your team’s ability to communicate will be well worth it.  You’ll spend far less time fixing mistakes and putting out fires.  Your team will be more motivated and productive.  And you’ll have confidence that everyone is finally, and permanently, on the same page.

Too Much Miscommunication At Work? A Simple Fix

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From my Fast Company Blog:

“I’m sure he understood what I meant.”

“I’m sure it was obvious.”

“It goes without saying…”

The most common source of miscommunication in any workplace is a very simple one:  people routinely fail to realize how little they are actually communicating.  In other words, we think we’ve said a lot more than we actually have.

Psychologists call this the signal amplification bias (because we can’t resist slapping esoteric names on things – calling it the “I’m Sure It Was Obvious” Effect would be much more to the point.)

Studies show that the vast majority of us tend to believe that our behavior is much more expressive than it actually is, and this occurs across a wide variety of situations.

For instance, we often think people know when we’re lying – that our discomfort with deception is obvious – when they rarely have any idea.  We also assume that others understand our goals and what we’re trying to accomplish, when in fact they don’t have the first clue.  Most of what we say and do every day is open to multiple interpretations, and when other people try to figure out what we really mean, they are apt to guess wrong.

We are particularly likely to be “sure it was obvious” with people we know well or who we’ve worked with for a long time – we assume our thoughts and behaviors are transparent, when they are far from it.  So, ironically, the risk of miscommunication is greater with a close colleague than a brand-new coworker.

When we assume that other people know what we’re thinking, and what we are expecting of them, we do them a real disservice.    Assuming that we’ve been clear about what we wanted, we blame them when things don’t go as planned.

The next time you catch yourself thinking “I didn’t expressly say that to Bob, but it should be obvious…” STOP.  Nothing is ever obvious unless you made it obvious by spelling it out.

Remove the phrase “It goes without saying” from your mental lexicon, because it is total rubbish.  If something is important, then it goes WITH saying.  Make a point of saying exactly what you mean, and asking for exactly what you want, and you will be pleasantly surprised by often you get it.

Your Email Style Says A Lot About You. Use it To Your Advantage.

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From my Fast Company blog:

In the modern workplace, we don’t actually talk to each other as much as we used to.  Communication now often takes place via email, a change that has brought with it both convenience and its own unique set of challenges.  One obvious problem is that conversation via email eliminates all the vocal and visual clues (e.g., volume, body language, facial expression) we normally use to convey subtleties of meaning that aren’t captured by the words themselves.

Sarcasm, exaggeration, and emotional tone can be completely lost, and misunderstandings are common.  You can easily end up coming across in a way you never intended, and getting yourself in hot water with the email’s recipient.  Most of us know this only too well.

What you probably don’t know is that there are subtle aspects of your emailing style that routinely influence the way your messages are perceived, in ways you may not have intended.  Learn to identify your own style, and you can use that knowledge to your advantage.

As readers of email, we’ve all become adept over time – without even realizing it – at searching for clues to what a sender means beyond the words he or she uses.  New research has identified three cues people use to make (largely unconscious) judgments about the sender’s motivation, mood, and status.

Cue #1:  Errors

Mistakes in your writing – either grammatical or typographical (e.g., misspelling) – leave the reader with a very distinct impression: you don’t care.  Errors are taken as a clear sign of apathy, and even disrespect.   Sloppy emails leave people believing you can’t be bothered to do it right.  They are the written equivalent of unabashedly yawning in someone’s face.

Tip:  Unless you are actually trying to seem lazy, disrespectful or detached, errors are something you should go out of your way to avoid.

Cue # 2:  First vs. Third Person Perspective

Compare the following sentences:

We decided at the meeting to postpone the sales event.

It was decided at the meeting that the sales event would be postponed.

The content of the two messages is exactly the same – only one is written in first person (“we”) while the other is written in the more formal, less personal third person style.  Research shows that people often make two assumptions about you when you opt for the latter style:  that you are not an “equal,” and that you are possibly a little ticked off.

Writing in the third person comes across as significantly more hostile than the friendlier, less formal first person.  Third-person writing is also perceived to be more typical of a supervisor addressing a subordinate or vice versa – its formality suggests that either the sender or reader is in a position of power relative to the other.

Tip: If you want to send a subtle reminder to a subordinate about your authority, or just seem like you have more authority than you actually do, try keeping the “I,” “we,” and “us” out of your email message.  This is also a good idea if you yourself are the subordinate – first person messages can seem less professional and respectful.

If, on the other hand, you are trying to put someone at ease (or assure them you are not angry), using “I” and “we” will probably do the trick.

Cue # 3:  Exclamation Points!

Exclamation points in an email express much more than just your enthusiasm.  Though you may not have intended it, they also tell the reader that you see them in a collegial, even chummy sort of way.   Their informality and emotional emphasis suggests a relationship of friendship, rather than one of mere coworkers.

Tip: Using occasional exclamation points in emails may be a good strategy for making a difficult coworker more cooperative and generally well-disposed toward you.  It’s a subtle way of saying, “Hey, I think of us as friends.”

To a supervisor, however, exclamation points may set a tone that seems overly familiar, and unprofessional.  For your punctuation needs, stick to a simple period.